i don’t understand how some guys can go around dissing or making fun of other supposedly “nerdy” guys when they really aren’t half the man those “nerds” are. hello. nerds are making a living and building a life for themselves or their families. or at least they try. this alone puts them in the “man” category, as opposed to boys who don’t even try to earn a living.

little boy blue, stop blowing your horn…

what are these boys thinking? there’s a fine line between having no ambition and not wanting to try. it’s ok not to have a wild ambition, but do they think life will wait for them forever to grow up? how do they expect to build a family of their own if they cannot provide some degree of security for their families? at least let their families know that there is someone to count on. or maybe these boys just need to date girls at least 10 years younger, so when they finally decide to man up and do something about their lives, build a family of their own, their other half will just be ready in time… as opposed to a woman who may not have all the time in the world to wait for him to grow up.

afterall, it really doesn’t matter for a guy when he wants to grow up. he can wait until he’s 60, yet still be able to build a family of his own without much problem. i guess a boy will decide to man up when he meets the woman he really wants to love, care for, and build a family with. these women are the lucky ones.

imagine hosting an event and only one person showed up on time. you wait a little, hoping to see a few more other people walk through the door before you begin. nobody else walks in, but you have to begin anyway. it doesn’t make sense to emcee as if you’re talking to a crowd of people when there’s only one person you’re talking to, so you briefly went ahead and felt less professional than usual. one point down. the event proceeds and two more people show up eventually. well, the two people are actually your friends who are being extremely supportive since day one. you’re afraid the rather dead session would bore them, but you have to keep on going. it’s actually not so bad just facing people you’re very comfortable with, but it’s different when you’re hosting the event at a new venue for the first time and you can feel the staff laughing. one point down. are they saying this is pathetic? is that gay waiter smirking??

i guess there always comes a time when you feel like a real LOSER. my time came yesterday. i keep telling myself that it’s something that’s bound to happen sooner or later. the boat doesn’t always sail smoothly. then again, it’s kind of hard not to feel discouraged. part of me believes the reason why hardly anybody showed up was due to the sudden pouring rain. the other part of me can’t help but wonder if the same will happen next time, or the one after.

i hate this feeling, but i can’t shake it off just like that. i even baked some brownies just now, hoping that baking would make me feel better like it used to (actually, i was debating whether to bake them or not since last night. it would totally ruin my attempted diet, but knowing that there’s a box of brownie mix in the cupboard only heightened my craving). it didn’t really work. i think it was because i wasn’t baking from scratch, which usually would take my mind off things.

friends, however, have been encouraging me. thank you. it means a lot.

few days ago, S and i were talking about how it seems that our roles got reversed over the years. she’s been making an effort to allow people to be comfortable around her by being nice, while i’m tired of being “ms. nice” and refuse to spend my time on those whom i don’t think are worth my time.

but as they say, some things don’t change.

back in college, a roommate of mine twisted facts around and talked shit behind me to our friends. for some time, they thought i didn’t wanna hang out. turned out ex-roomie just didn’t tell me about their little get-togethers. all of which i didn’t find out until two years later when all her shady behaviours got out of the bag. friends have always said i’m oblivious. i thought as i wised up, well, i’d be wiser. wrong!

today, i found myself caught in between a couple’s quarrel without even knowing. wife was lashing out at the husband with some nasty remarks on facebook, then out of nowhere i saw a new comment from her saying that i’m not a bitch. what? when did she call me a bitch? i guess it turned out that some stuff she said were actually directed towards me (out of her own misunderstanding), when all that time i thought those remarks were meant for the husband…

uh…..

well, good thing is, she apologized and cleared things up. kudos for the wife.

men should treat their wives with more care.

bling… we’re so sorry that changes in the past couple of years had to make your daddy move away and leave you. you were always a good boy with your daddy around, i’m not sure why you caused so much trouble afterwards. i can’t help but wonder if it’s cuz you were angry he left you. i really hope that’s not the case. we’re so sorry things ended sadly and hope you’ll forgive us all, even uncle d. i’m sure uncle d had his own reasons and didn’t have much of a choice. he loved you too.

i don’t even know how to tell your daddy the news yet, i hate to bring him bad news and make him sad. he’s still sleeping and not picking up his phone. in fact, he was gonna go back soon and pay you a visit while he’s there. remember, you’re always your daddy’s best. he’s always telling me that. lots of people will miss you… they all think you’re one cool stud. i remember when it was set that you had to be given away, i cried and cried that morning and you just stood there and looked at me, as if you’re not sure what’s going on and i was nuts. i also remember you were so curious when we drove into the city, as if you were wondering why there were so many moving cars and people. who would’ve known you’d have to leave us so sudden. your daddy and i were even looking forward to seeing you again. i need to tell auntie e about your news too. she took such good care of you the first year or two after your daddy left. i know you missed her too…

just know that so many people loved you, despite what had to be done in the end. if there’s a dog heaven, enjoy your life there and stop being so naughty. or if you have to reincarnate, don’t be a dog anymore. love you lots… R.I.P.